THIS WOMAN OF FAITH

Did you know that hurting people hurt people... take a while to let that sink.. any one who has been hurt knowingly or unknowingly hurts others either by shutting them out,venting out frustrations on them or by out rightly doing or saying things that end up hurting another person...a vicious circle eh. This revelation was what did it for me... The only way I could embrace change was understand why I had to change not just for me..But for my dad..He was hurting...and I was hurting too The moment I began to see things in that light..the easier it was for me to begin the process. I wanted things to be different,I wanted the loving father daughter relationship I wanted peace at home...and only God's intervention could change the way things where. I remember at that point praying for help and it felt like God was saying are you ready to let me in..to allow me remake you like the potter repairs a marred clay...yes I cried over and over again and He said very well then..Le...

In the early hours of the morning,just as I was all cuddled up and enjoying the sweetness of my restful sleep...I was jolted back to reality by what sounded like my ring tone...yes..it was indeed my phone ringing... Who is calling me at this time I thought..It was 4am UK time.. yes who could have been calling..I knew too well who... My Father....Just as he had called a week ago...and the week before! It was an all too familiar ritual..the early morning calls... "Stella babe...how are you,just wanted to find out how you guys are doing.." Thinking about it now brings a big smile to my face..He would call each of his children.. one after the other,just to say hello.. A friend noted while talking about my dad of how fond we are of each other,yes I love my dad..He is a great and loving Father. As I look back at how the years have made our relationship stronger...I also remember a time when I truly hated my dad...a time when we didn't have much of a relationship ...

As I struggled to sit in silence there was a war going on in my mind.... I went through over and over again the events of the past days and a wave of emotion overcame me I would see no reason,honestly the thoughts that went through my mind were not lovely at all, I remembered the tom and Jerry cartoon where you had the devil and angel whispering to tom...one trying to get him to do something mean to Jerry while the other trying to discourage evil..it all sounds a bit funny now but honestly at that moment it was no joke.. I struggled not to give in to my emotions..I struggled...( there is always a way of escape) This one was simply Silence... I remembered what I wrote a few months back about the open market and the same scenario was replaying over again... one can not underestimate the power of your mind.. the thoughts you allow to take root don't only affect you but every one around you.. A little misunderstanding..... that is what it was but it would have led to so...

How strong are you.... Is strength measured by physical attributes,how tall,muscular and powerful a person is... Is it measured by mental prowess,your accomplishments,your degrees and certificates.. Is it measured by your association and the people you have at your command... What truly qualifies you as strong.. as I walked through the corridors of my work place these were the thoughts that plagued my mind.. what does it mean to be strong..who is a strong person.. and as I thought about it..I began to see ...the true definition of strength I saw the man and woman who refused to give up on his dreams but pursue It because He believed God that no matter how many times he had failed..He was a success waiting to happen.. I saw that girl who dared to be different,to walk in dignity and chastity even though every one thought her to be old fashioned.. I saw the Mother who refused to give up on her straying Husband or child..who kept confessing and speaking that He would be all th...

I recently had a long conversation with one of my big sisters and as we talked and shared she asked me a question relating to something I had been talking about for a while but had not yet done.. what are you waiting for she asked, As I stammered my way through  her question I replied'' I am still building my faith'' as impressive as I thought it sounded I realised in itself how silly my reply was.. and then it dawned on me.. I was afraid..it was fear speaking not faith.. my reply as spiritual as it sounded was so fickle I was afraid of the what ifs what if it didn't work out.. what if ..... too many what ifs plaguing my mind.. and thankfully she could sense my fears and she rebuked me.. and in an instant I knew God was speaking to me.. I knew I needed to hear the truth, I had spent so much time listening to all the voices speaking in my head and now it was time to focus on what was true.. If God has said it..that's all I need It is time t...

I really can not believe that it is nearly 6 months Since our precious little angel went to be with the lord I miss her so much .....We all do. Loosing a loved one is really hard and difficult And some days I so want to close my eyes,open them And have everything return back to normal I want to see my baby smile and sing back to me Some nights I turn and toss in bed praying that God Would fill the void in my heart and answer all my unmuttered Questions Some days I cry with no tears falling..other days my heart just aches I look back and I can truly say that for every time my heart has bled God has been there to steady my heart...He understands that it is ok to grieve And I constantly feel his love and his word urging me on. God has said he would help me through this  and I acknowledge that I need every bit of his help and grace. I recently spoke to an aquintance who is still grieving the loss of a loved one after 3 years And my heart was filled with so much compa...

I remember the first time..I looked across the hall and truly noticed him...(Abi My husband I mean) there was just something about him and even though we never really spoke much to each other  I remember telling my friend ko that I knew that we would end up being very good friends. . I remember when we got married. .all we had was the firm belief that we were going to be truly happy together. .with little savings..no jobs. .we took the plunge Judging God faithful to sustain us. I look back with so much gratitude. .God  has indeed been faithful. . surrounding us with favour as a shield... I am most grateful for the love we share... A love that grows stronger and sweeter each year.... A preacher once asked. ..Can God trust you with trouble and this made me reflect deeply. .. I look at the troubles that have plagued our marriage and am so grateful that it has made us better not bitter.. I remember consciously telling myself that I would enjoy my marriage rather th...

Change is a very necessary phase in life... We are constantly required to embrace change and desire change.. But most importantly being Able to discern when Change is due is the key to an impactful life.                In the last couple of months I had been battling with a decision to change Jobs.. I had thought about it,talked about it,worried about it...and yes I prayed about  it.. Why a change of Job...I came up with all the seemingly good reasons why I needed the move and I entered into a long dialogue with myself..and I could hear the holy spirit impress upon my heart that it wasn't time for a move..not what  I wanted to hear so I tried to reason with the Lord,Yes I wanted his will..but couldn't  we come to a compromise..  I am sure He just laughed and shook his head as he silently watched on from then on... A day or two after I had this inner battle of will..I saw a Job va...

A couple of days back...I had one of those moments where I had holy anger rise up in me... I had just been in the company of a good friend and work colleague and she had spent the better part of the day complaining and grumbling and getting all worried and worked up.. I had played the listening role all morning with a few words of encouragement here and there... Now we were on a 9-5 shift and by the time it got to 4 O'clock I was fed up... I snapped and...I heard myself say to her... "I just lost a child but I haven't lost my praise,my joy or my hope whats your excuse" You don't hear me going on and on about it..get a grip on yourself She was taken aback...I could see the effect of my words sinking in.. Oh dear she replied with a sigh...I think I am being rather ungrateful.. I have no reason to be worrying and complaining... Really I have No excuse. As I took the bus home from work I could not help but reflect on what happened I thought of all...

You know how you sometimes get that feeling of aloneness You go through the motion that nobody understands what you are going through or nobody has experienced what you are experiencing You look at this faith walk and you are tempted to give up To stop believing,To stop Hoping,To stop Confessing and Sowing I am reminded of Elijah in the bible..He went through a similar period in his life,He told God,I am the only one...I am the only who hasn't compromised The only one who hasn't stopped believing in you for a Miracle,The only one who hasn't bowed to the pressures that are mounting on me...The only one still confessing you...I am the only one. Isn't it so encouraging when God reminds us that we are not alone.. God told Elijah...See you are not alone...there are 7,000 People who haven't bowed,Who haven't stopped Believing,who are walking this faith walk with you... I can imagine strength,hope and faith welling up in him..I can just see him determi...

I have never had to struggle for want of what to write but I have literally spent the past minutes just staring at my screen.... where do I start from is the issue at hand How do I compress the faithfulness of GOD to me in just a post...hmmmm.. I turn 28 today..yet it seems I have been here longer.. I marvel at the quality and the richness of my life.. The wealth of experience and all that God has invested in me... For all his many blessings,For his favour and his Presence  Lord for all these and more..I say thank you I woke up today with gratitude,with a heart full of praise...God has been Good to me.. I take a walk down memory lane and I go back 15 years  to a time when I first accepted Jesus. What I am most grateful for is this decision I made to follow hard after JESUS A lot of times I failed Him,strayed away,messed up,blew my chances But His mercy never ceased and  I kept seeking and running after him.. I have come a long way 15 years later,I still l...

I am not much of the gardening type as much as I love flowers and pot plants, It takes quite a bit of an effort for me to give the flowers and pot plants in my front yard the attention they deserve... but I must admit they add such beauty and charm to my front yard. lately I have just been too pre-occupied with all that has been happening in my life and around me to even notice that I have plants to feed and nurture.. 2 weeks ago I noticed that they had all withered and the leaves were dry,brittle and falling,especially with the summer.. I sighed in regret..if only I wasn't too consumed with myself maybe my lovely front yard would have been preserved. I gave up,maybe it was too late to salvage the situation. I might just try I said to myself and see what difference it makes.. I set out a couple of days ago to water the plants...I had just a small bowl of water.. and as I went back inside to get more water..I got distracted and never got round to fully watering the...

News..... What comes to mind any time someone says I have news for you? News...hmmmm I remember a few months ago I was told the outcome of my daughter's test results and the doctor said..I am afraid it is not great news.. Two things come to mind every time you are told you have news Two things...FEAR or FAITH... Fear of the known or Unknown or Faith in the one who Knows it all. Last week...the same words I heard months ago were repeated again.. Stella am so sorry but it is not great news.. It took a while for the enormity of the news to sink in. But as it sunk,I was overcome with emotion I struggled to hold back tears..not again Lord.. I looked at the report before me and I could sense fear rising.. What was I going to do.. who was I going to believe I could hear the holyspirit reminding me of God's promises That affliction would not arise a second time.. I could hear the enemy saying..but you trusted and had faith but where is the result of your faith.....

As I sat by the beautiful sea I couldn't help but feel God's presence.. I could Feel his peace enveloping me I remember months back I had fought God's peace In the hospital...As I held my almost lifeless baby I could feel the peace of God overshadowing me and I laughed within me..as the tears poured down I said lord I know what you are trying to do and I don't want your peace... No...I wasn't willing to accept his Peace.. Today I am thankful to the holyspirit for not taking his peace away God knew how much I needed it.. and as a faithful,Patient Dad,He enveloped me in his loving arms and gently soothed me with his comforting Words... He said child...Its going to be ok It sure doesn't make sense but trust me I am in control I know you hurt...but believe me THIS TOO SHALL PASS Peace,thank you lord for your Peace Peace that surpasses all understanding It is your peace that keeps me strong It is your peace that keeps me hopeful It is your p...

This Past week was pretty hard... Every day was a struggle, a struggle to get up, a struggle to stay strong  a struggle to keep smiling Only God knows the hurt and pain I have to endure.. A Colleague asked me how my little one was and I told him.. His reply..".It doesn't make sense" and I paused and I thought.....truly it doesn't make sense The Pop up animal baby book I bought weeks ago only just arrived and as I browsed through the pages, I couldn't help but hold back a tear.. It just doesn't make sense And as I turned and tossed in bed late at night I couldn't help but let out the well of tears I restrained all day.. I miss my baby..I miss her coos..I miss her so much, This does not make sense at all... Some days are harder than the others.. but It is on days like this that God gives more grace It is at times like this that I pour out my heart to the lord and Ask to see through his eyes because my vision is blurred with tears And my...

It is such a beautiful day..actually the weekend has been great with lovely weather and all Today is particularly beautiful..because we celebrate children world over.. I woke up today with a kick and as I spent the morning enveloped in the warm sunshine,I couldn't help but notice the children. Children clad in bright summery clothes riding on their bikes and scooters with mummy's and daddy's chasing after them I watched babies squealing in their parents arms and I noticed a mother kissing her toddler endlessly in her arms... awww....brings a smile even as I write.. I saw teens sitting by the roadside..unashamedly feasting on chips... I saw happy grins, tantrums here and there,giggles and laughter... And as I watched I couldn't help but drift away To a time when I was once a child. .. Doted on by my dad and loved dearly by my mum... I remembered how settled and trusting I was .. free from malice,with no desire for authority, I was teachable and very...

I have thought about this hard and long... A mother's heart... What drives a mother to hope even in a hopeless situation. what drives a mother to stay strong,confessing life even in the face of death.. I remember looking at my precious child,willing her to live nothing mattered,nothing else was real to me other than my believe that she would live. I laughed at doctors reports,refused negative confessions... I believed,I hoped...A mother's Heart. What makes a mother get on her knees,praying,hoping,believing That a straying child would return home.. What makes a mother love even when her love is not returned A mother's Heart What makes a mother dream for her spouse,her children,her family What makes a mother lose sleep,and petition heaven continuously until change comes... She sows seeds of love,encouragement,praise,godly counsel in the morning, In the noon and in the night time expectantly waiting for a harvest. A mother's heart. Bible says women rece...

Trust........ What does it really mean to trust God To depend solely on HIM, To surrender your will,hurts,pains and emotions totally to HIM.... Lately I have struggled.... struggled to make sense out of all the happenings in my life I have struggled....I have tried to question the reason behind the Whys... Why do I have to go through Fire... Why do I have to go through a season of mourning.. Why do I have to be tested Why can't I just have it easy like everyone else(or so I think) Why do I have to have a wilderness experience Why do I have to wait.. Why Why Why... I remember Brother Joseph.. I wonder what he must have thought He faced,rejection,betrayal,death,hardship,prison and so on Why...A great destiny a Glorious Future Ahead. I remember Brother Job and the season of the trying of his faith. He lost all...But God restored a hundred fold Everyday I wake up to my struggles and the whys But I am choosing to make a constant effort To trus...

Hmmmm.... Waking up each day to the reality of the past few days has been the hardest thing I have had to do in my life lately Waking up to the reality that my precious little daughter wouldn't be staring at me through her pine cot... waking up to the reality that the smiles and coos I love so much would only be a part of my memory now. waking up to the reality that after 16 months, I would forever miss those big brown eyes and questioning but loving gaze. Losing a child is pretty hard but the hardest part is letting go... The hardest part is accepting God's will The hardest part is trusting that God has a purpose and plan in all of it. A day before my daughter passed a way I blogged about being thankful and not letting the devil steal my joy.. believe me child of God...I wake up every day determined to praise through my pain,and sing through my tears It is hard but it is a choice I choose to trust the one who knows it all I choose to sing even when the...

I am just so thankful ..I have spent the past week just thinking of the goodness of the lord... As I write I have a big smile on my face... A close friend  once asked me if I was happy and I replied without thinking and I said to her happy? no I am not happy...I am joyful joyful not happy because happiness to me is dependent on being or having Joy on the other hand is a richer and deeper form of happiness not dependent on being or having,just a deep satisfaction and contentment in God who is all and has all. Joyful because I have a confident trust and assurance in God so I am not moved whether I have or do not have..I am simply rejoicing.... I have come to realise how the enemy fights so hard to steal our joy.. he knows that once he gets us to loose our confidence and trust in God's love and abilities, we become weak..no wonder bible says with joy I would draw waters from the wells of salvation(Isa 12:3).The wells contain in them everything you and I need in...

I remember the open markets back in Africa as you make your way past the stalls you are met with very determined and enthusiastic sellers calling out to prospective buyers,all trying to convince you to stop by their shops.. sometimes the very bold ones would literally drag you to their stalls a lot of times,they really don't have what they say they have.. other times,with sheer luck you can stumble on a good buy.. If you are from the part of the world where I am from.. you sometimes hear very enticing words( and sometimes annoying ) like fine woman come this way pretty girl,African queen,Sugar potato and all sorts of endearments, all in the bid to draw your attention and advertise their wares.. As I sat in my bedroom there was an open market brewing in my mind I battled with the devil trying to shove his suggestions my way. oh how enticing this suggestions were,believe me He painted pictures in my mind trying to sell lie upon lie to me in the swe...

I sat in the Doctors office listening to him explain medical jargon He looked at me and said "I am afraid  its not good news from my knowledge and experience I know the outcome isn't good"... As I made the 2 hour long journey back home my mind raced,thoughts piled in there and then I asked myself WHO AM I GOING TO BE IN ALL OF THIS WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. I had to make a decision and I had to act on it I got home and first thing I did was get on you tube you tube??? lol stay with me I searched for Nigerian praise(WAZOBIA  Gospel praise) and that was it.. THE BATTLE LINE WAS DRAWN I had to respond to the enemy and let him know my stand As I lifted my hands in praise and danced through the tears that streamed down my eyes I knew heavens host were being assembled I wasn't going to loose like psalm 149:6 ( Let  the high  praises  of God  be  in their mouth, and a two edged sword in their hand) And as I responded to the docto...