In the early hours of the morning,just as I was all cuddled up and enjoying the
sweetness of my restful sleep...I was jolted back to reality by what sounded like
my ring tone...yes..it was indeed my phone ringing...
Who is calling me at this time I thought..It was 4am UK time..
yes who could have been calling..I knew too well who...
My Father....Just as he had called a week ago...and the week before!
It was an all too familiar ritual..the early morning calls...
"Stella babe...how are you,just wanted to find out how you guys are doing.."
Thinking about it now brings a big smile to my face..He would call each of his children..
one after the other,just to say hello..
A friend noted while talking about my dad of how fond we are of each other,yes
I love my dad..He is a great and loving Father.
As I look back at how the years have made our relationship stronger...I also remember a time
when I truly hated my dad...a time when we didn't have much of a relationship and I harboured a lot of hurt and bitterness towards him...
That's what this blog post is about...When I hated my Dad...
I have always been a daddy's girl growing up and I had a great relationship with my dad as a kid..
but growing up as a teenager especially when my mum died....our relationship began to be almost non-existent...
The loss of a wife can be pretty hard on a Man and sometimes in the process of dealing with the hurt and the grief...
He turns on every one around Him..My father was consumed in a world of his own..
and here I was feeling shut out and neglected and I understood it as this..." daddy didn't care about us any more,He hated us "..
So my way of surviving through that was to be rebellious..I was rude and provocative...
I would answer back at him and openly challenge his authority.....
I was a bitter,angry and resentful girl...and all I could see was a Father who hated his children...
I was filled with so much hatred that I started getting terrible migraines...Yes...
I started looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places....good thing I had some people looking out for me..or else the story would have been different,but yes,I did stray...
This went on for years...maybe 2...maybe 3...I carefully mapped out my strategy of how I would leave home...I got a job and was earning small money...all I needed to do was get into University....and he would never see me again(or so I thought)
and then something happened.....
I had an encounter with the holy spirit at a youth convention
I had been born again all the while but it didn't change the way I saw and acted towards my Father..
I was still insulting and disrespectful...But after this convention when I got home..I desired a change..
that Scripture Honour your father and mother so that your days might be long had a whole new meaning to me....
I would cry myself to sleep asking God to change my Father and make things different....
I Wanted to be able to have a decent conversation with my father and not argue and quarrel all the time.
And then it dropped in my spirit
I was 18 years old then...hot headed,with a sharp tongue and here's what the Lord said to me...
If you want things to change...Change...
If you want things better with your dad..then you have to Change....
What do you mean... He is the one who needs to change..I could hear myself challenge God.
He is the one who is supposed to love his children and be there for them no matter what...
I began to think of all the hurtful things that had been said in moments of anger,all the punishments,the things I was denied off...I thought of all the reasons why I hated my dad..I remembered all the scenarios....I blamed him for so many things...It was his fault I had turned out messed up and bitter....
Why me...He is the one that needed changing...How was I expected to change
I didnt know how and where to begin from..what difference was it going to make
our relationship was so bad that the very sight of me was enough to enrage my father..
He needed the change.NOT ME
TO BE CONTINUED
Watch out for Part 2 :When I hated My Dad
sweetness of my restful sleep...I was jolted back to reality by what sounded like
my ring tone...yes..it was indeed my phone ringing...
Who is calling me at this time I thought..It was 4am UK time..
yes who could have been calling..I knew too well who...
My Father....Just as he had called a week ago...and the week before!
It was an all too familiar ritual..the early morning calls...
"Stella babe...how are you,just wanted to find out how you guys are doing.."
Thinking about it now brings a big smile to my face..He would call each of his children..
one after the other,just to say hello..
A friend noted while talking about my dad of how fond we are of each other,yes
I love my dad..He is a great and loving Father.
As I look back at how the years have made our relationship stronger...I also remember a time
when I truly hated my dad...a time when we didn't have much of a relationship and I harboured a lot of hurt and bitterness towards him...
That's what this blog post is about...When I hated my Dad...
I have always been a daddy's girl growing up and I had a great relationship with my dad as a kid..
but growing up as a teenager especially when my mum died....our relationship began to be almost non-existent...
The loss of a wife can be pretty hard on a Man and sometimes in the process of dealing with the hurt and the grief...
He turns on every one around Him..My father was consumed in a world of his own..
and here I was feeling shut out and neglected and I understood it as this..." daddy didn't care about us any more,He hated us "..
So my way of surviving through that was to be rebellious..I was rude and provocative...
I would answer back at him and openly challenge his authority.....
I was a bitter,angry and resentful girl...and all I could see was a Father who hated his children...
I was filled with so much hatred that I started getting terrible migraines...Yes...
I started looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places....good thing I had some people looking out for me..or else the story would have been different,but yes,I did stray...
This went on for years...maybe 2...maybe 3...I carefully mapped out my strategy of how I would leave home...I got a job and was earning small money...all I needed to do was get into University....and he would never see me again(or so I thought)
and then something happened.....
I had an encounter with the holy spirit at a youth convention
I had been born again all the while but it didn't change the way I saw and acted towards my Father..
I was still insulting and disrespectful...But after this convention when I got home..I desired a change..
that Scripture Honour your father and mother so that your days might be long had a whole new meaning to me....
I would cry myself to sleep asking God to change my Father and make things different....
I Wanted to be able to have a decent conversation with my father and not argue and quarrel all the time.
And then it dropped in my spirit
I was 18 years old then...hot headed,with a sharp tongue and here's what the Lord said to me...
If you want things to change...Change...
If you want things better with your dad..then you have to Change....
What do you mean... He is the one who needs to change..I could hear myself challenge God.
He is the one who is supposed to love his children and be there for them no matter what...
I began to think of all the hurtful things that had been said in moments of anger,all the punishments,the things I was denied off...I thought of all the reasons why I hated my dad..I remembered all the scenarios....I blamed him for so many things...It was his fault I had turned out messed up and bitter....
Why me...He is the one that needed changing...How was I expected to change
I didnt know how and where to begin from..what difference was it going to make
our relationship was so bad that the very sight of me was enough to enrage my father..
He needed the change.NOT ME
TO BE CONTINUED
Watch out for Part 2 :When I hated My Dad
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