THIS WOMAN OF FAITH

PERSPECTIVE My husband and I started 2018 really hopeful and full of high expectations This was going to be ‘the year’ We had a clear picture in our minds of the specific things we wanted to see and we had no doubt that God was going to do it. Fast forward to Dec, 2018, and a completely different picture has played out I look back and my heart is very thankful for every single experience this year. I cannot begin to sum up our year in words; it has been intense in every way possible I have cried so deeply that my heart ached so many times and I have also laughed so intensely that my heart has swelled with happiness They have been days, not a few; where my faith has been shaken, where I have been overwhelmed by the burdens we have carried But even in those moments, I have felt God’s embrace as He has nudged me on. I have experienced unexplainable joy even though it seemed like my boat was sinking. I would never forget the day, I got on the train and the tears I had been...

 March 2018… It takes seconds literally for the course of your life to be altered, I mean seconds..one phone call, letter, knock on the day you name it. I remember going to the health centre for a check up.. And within minutes of being there,I was referred to the emergency department My year was going smoothly, then boom. It happened so fast,I barely had time to process what was going on, It turned out,I was pregnant with a contraceptive coil in situ and I was bleeding profusely. Pregnant? How..I cried..Why me lord,I honestly thought it was a joke, God like seriously you must be teasing me,I couldn’t understand what was going on.. You read the statistics,99 percent effective why was I the 1percent I cried tears o..my husband was amused and confused. We were pregnant. I had not even come to terms with being pregnant When there were concerns of possible complications For 3 weeks I went back and forth the hospital to be scanned and every doctor I met could not offe...

Have you unwrapped your gift? My childhood was so much fun.. Imagine a younger version of me... A 5 year old powerhouse standing in front of the mic stand my father bought me.. With my big brother stringing a guitar...singing loudly at the top of our voices and entertaining every visitor that obliged us...In our eyes, we were rock stars 🌟 🌟 ⭐️. I think I kind of imagined that was what my future was going to be like.. I was going to sing and perform in front of thousands of audiences. Well, that was the dream until I grew up and discovered, my voice was nice but not really really nice.😂😂.. I remember joining the choir and I only ever got asked to do a solo like once... I wasn’t quite sure what the reaction was after I sang..but the problem was I really really loved singing, I so wanted to be this talented singer but I think I really loved the sound of my voice more than anyone else.After joining a real choir in my early adolescence and seeing that it required much more...

 My Yummies This week,I was looking for something on my iPad and I stumbled upon some pictures, It brought back so many memories and my heart was truly grateful, You see,I never really gave much thought to the idea of leaving Nigeria and starting life afresh in a whole new town talk less of a new country. The excitement when I got off that plane eh at heathrow airport Was next to none,  I was in a whole new world, a country miles away from my native home with a strange accent and it felt so foreign. Nothing prepared me for the loneliness that followed after the euphoria died, I missed my dad ,my siblings, my church and fellowship and most importantly I missed my sisters; I missed all that had being a huge part of my life for 25 years. My heart ached for the friendships that had kept me grounded in my faith, career and life as a young lady. Even though being out of sight did not necessarily mean out of mind and still stayed in touch with my sisters but I craved fo...

I Dare you to Praise! The wait was the hardest part, each passing day brought with it a certain kind of dread,What would the outcome be? What would be our fate?All sorts of scenarios played out in my mind, and time seemed to have come to a halt, it  was a nerve wracking wait.I would catch myself staring into thin air as the days leading up to the fateful day went by in a blur. It took forever before the result of our daughter's diagnosis was finally released and I can still remember sitting in front of the consultant as He looked at my husband and I and told us our daughter was not going to be ok, He said it with no display of emotion, perhaps years of delivering bad news to people must have hardened him up, I couldn’t blame him. I cannot remember the wave of emotions and thoughts that ran through my mind but the ride back from the hospital is one I can never forget.We sat in total silence for that hour long ride home, everyone consumed with their own thoughts, trying to ma...

Distraction! What do you do when you have exhausted all options humanly possible? When it feels like you have hit a brick wall and there is no way to surmount it? What do you do when You just don’t know what to do? This past week, I have literally felt this way.. I have worried much, I have been so bothered about How and when the answers to my most pressing needs were going to come that it had left me feeling dispassionate about the things and people that God has placed in my care. A certain lady who I check up on regularly came to mind and I Sighed; I should check up on her, Maybe later came my reply, I was so consumed by what I was going through and I honestly didn’t feel like encouraging someone else. Days ago I was chatting with a dear friend of mine and she said something to me and I knew it was God speaking, She said; Stella, Do not let anything distract you from your purpose. As I thought about what she said, I could hear God loudly. I could see how crafty and s...

There was so much noise coming from the back… And it was distracting the others close by It was a large hall and the speaker addressing the students was having a hard time Projecting her voice. A few of the students were listening keenly but the back benchers were being entertained By a fine young chap… He was the ring leader; the chief noisemaker. As I made my way to the back,I made eye contact with him and He looked back at me with a daring stare as if to say; What are you going to do to me. I smiled at him and asked him to walk with me. with him out of the way, perhaps the other boys might gain from the speaker. He stood up with a pompous air about him.. His friends cheered and hailed With his hands in his pocket and some major swagger, he strutted towards me. Oh dear I thought, this was going to be interesting. I took Dan outside and we began talking. I asked him a lot of questions; his best food, favourite music and a lot of stuff I cannot remember now. We ch...

So early last year I joined the sea of people commuting into the city of london every day for work. It was such an exciting feeling. The morning rush, the fast paced shuffle of feet approaching from all directions, the well tailored suits and starched shirts, the air heavy with scents and perfumes and many unfamiliar faces. Wow Stella you are now a City Girl😁😁😁 I wasn't used to the hassle at all. Having only ever worked within a half hour drive from home, this was in itself an adventure. Then I met him...A bulky guy with a funny looking face. His loud sonorous voice immediately made me feel at ease. He was the newspaper man..but he was no regular newspaper guy.. He stood in the midst of the crowd outside Bank station with a loud voice greeting all who could hear, with the words;Good morning City, have a lovely day. Wow I thought to myself, how spectacular Every morning he was there greeting, smiling and handing out newspapers. His chant was the same as it was the...

My African Broom. I have so many fond memories of growing up and lately It has been the little things that have left me feeling nostalgic, let’s attribute it to missing my native home.So when I found some bunches of broom at my local African shop a year ago it triggered a whole range of emotions. I am so sure I had seen those bunches of brooms before that day and never took notice of them, But on this particular day,I felt drawn to them and So I bought one. I can’t explain how it made me feel, there was just something so comforting and familiar about holding a broom in my hands It evoked so many memories. I remember as a junior in secondary school, my daily morning duty was to sweep the entrance into our dormitory and you were considered lucky if that was your lot.lol I remembered the huge palm tree that sat in our front yard in our old house and how my mother would make my brother and I serve punishment making brooms from the palm leaves for being naughty...

It was 6.45pm....my brain was doing a slow dance It couldn’t quite figure out what to make for dinner It had been an emotionally draining day.. As I stood by the counter top my thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell How strange..I thought. We were new in town and we had no friends or acquaintances, who Could be visiting so late?  it was definitely not a delivery. I looked at my husband in wonder as the buzzer kept going. It is Dr So and So...came his reply as he dropped the intercom, Really, what does he want? Why is he here? Bidemi looked as perturbed as I was You see  earlier in the day..we had had a consultation with Dr So and So to discuss the findings of the genetic test bidemi and I had done.The hospital had insisted following the death of our daughter. We sat through that rather heart breaking meeting as the Dr looked at the paper which held our  fate and told us empathetically that we were both carries of a gene that made our chances of having h...

My little man loves the barbershop Right from the very day he had his first haircut. I still remember the video his dad made on his first visit when he turned 1. Little Zaine in a big swivel chair covered in a cutting gown; No tears, no fuss.... just pure excitement.. He totally loved it and it has now become a routine he shares with his dad every fortnight. So few weeks back,When I asked if I could take him to the barbershop because his hair was overgrown, he blatantly refused;I want dad to take me not you! Well, daddy was away and mummy would have to do came my reply,after promising that I would make his favourite meal of okra and Amama(Amala ; a western Nigerian meal) he obliged,So off we went.(The joys of parenthood 🤣🤣😂) As we awaited our turn,I couldn’t help but notice a tearful little boy in One of the barber’s chair... His doting dad was trying to console him to no avail as the barber struggled to finish the cut. He was a new guy and I could tell he was having...

As a little girl I had the most vivid imagination I imagined what it would feel like to be swept away by a knight in shining armour. He was going to be handsome and very very tall.😆😆 I loved fairy tales..I just had to fall in love with my prince charming and everything would fall in line. Well,growing up I kind of knew that fairy tales didn't exist but hey....Some dreams do come true. Yes dreams do come true..I married my best friend and he was indeed tall dark and show stopping handsome😙😍😍 I remember our wedding day, it was a beautiful ceremony and I did look like a princess.It was everything I dreamt of and more. A week after we were on a plane to start our life together in the Uk. How exciting!!!! No pre-marital counselling or seminar/course ever prepares you enough for this journey of marriage. Never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that our love for each other would be tested the way it has been in the 9years we have been married. Nothing prepared us for ...

It was one of those Sundays.. I went to church with a heavy heart.. I had so much on my mind. You know when you are going through a difficult season and you cannot even tell your best friend because you can't even bring yourself to say it out loud. You show up to church with your glad rags,adjust your smile and lift your hands in surrender to the God who knows the unspoken words of your heart. it was one of those Sundays.. As I drove home from church with my babies asleep in the back, a red bus overtook me. It was bus 173. And As I drove further, another red bus passed by on the opposite lane. It was bus 173. I chuckled to myself and then I heard the holy spirit say to me..Remember Bus 173. Bus 173? I thought to myself and then I remembered. My eyes lit and I smiled..How could I forget bus 173. My husband and I used to take that bus to church every sunday many years ago and I remember a particular weekend on my way back from a womens conference,I was 20pence ...

You smile too much..😆😆 When I was in secondary school I used to get punished by Seniors because I smiled alot.. I was described as the smiley girl. I had to come up with an explanation every time someone asked me "why are you smiling"? I would say no I am not smiling I just have a smiley face. As soon as I saw a senior I would attempt to frown..I wasn't always successful.. I still couldn't hide my smiley face😊 I made lots of Friends and received favours as a result.😆 Life has always had a way of trying to stop me from smiling... I lost my mother at age 14. I battled depression at age 17 till I was 19 I failed and had to repeat 2 years at University I lost a Child at Age 27 I had a miscarriage at age 32.. and inbetween there have been challenges that are common to all of us. But still I smile.. It is a conscious choice I make daily to smile through it all. Some one asked me why I am always so happy and fun to be around. I smiled..It is a ...

8 months after having my daughter She was diagnosed with an incurable genetic disease called Spinal muscular Atrophy(SMA) What does that even mean? I thought the doctors were mistaken It could not have been my child they were talking about.. There was no cure and the prognosis was so bad.. In 2012 my Journey of faith began... I believed God for her healing.. I rejected the report of the doctors and I was so confident that God would change the story. I envisioned her on her wedding day and I held unto hope. I was a crazy woman and the doctors and health professionals got tired of me professing my faith in God. We prayed,We confessed,We praised,The church prayed but on the 23rd of April 2013.Our beautiful daughter passed at 16months of age. How do you survive such a traumatic experience? How does that impact your perception of God? Why Would God allow that happen? I have over the years come to realise that God is still God inspite of what we go through and His love fo...

Make It Stop!!!! He held me so tightly with misty eyes and gave me a stare that pulled my heartstrings. A tiny tear escaped and ran down his cheeks make this stop mummy It hurts so much.... He wailed as his little 4year old frame which was covered with widespread blisters( that were characteristic of chicken pox) itched. Mummy Can you make it go away He pleaded, Give me more medicine just make it stop!!! I was plagued with exhaustion and a lack of sleep and as He suffered, I suffered too. I wish I could make it stop Make the pain and discomfort go away It hurt me to see him hurt but then I knew in a few days that it was going to be ok. And  then a picture began to form before my eyes.. Of all the times I have had to go through  painful, uncomfortable and distressing situations in my life. I had whined,cried,grumbled and complained. I said those same words to God in so many different ways.. Make it stop lord, Make this pain go..this emptiness, this hurt.. ...

A few Sundays ago,I went to church really heavy, I did my best that day to wear an” all is well with me mask”(I am sure you know what I am referring to) And as the praise and worship went on, I couldn’t help but remove the mask and bawl before my Daddy, the tears were uncontrollable. I could sense how uncomfortable the lady beside me was, she didn’t know whether to console me or just pretend she hadn’t noticed.😊 I wiped my tears, attempted to save what was left of my foundation and made it through to the end of service. That same Sunday someone approached me and said she admired me That I always seemed so put together. Really,I thought to myself How easily deceived we are by ones outward packaging. The fancy clothes, makeup and nice perfume I shook my head, as I walked away if only she knew. You see, Last month I went through Something really really painful I didn’t know I had so much raw emotions still in me, I thought after I had lost my daughter 5years ago That ...

Who are you?She Asked… I am Stella No,I didn’t ask what your name was she replied. I asked you, who you were. I stared right back at her,Who am I ? Why couldn’t I give her a ready answer, The topic quickly changed and the conversation shifted to other things but I left that meeting that day feeling conflicted Who was I really? I had gone to meet with a senior friend I admired and I couldn’t even answer a straight question probably the most important question One should know the answer too. Can you blame me,I was 18 had just gotten into university And I was still discovering who I really was. Sooner rather than later, life tried to tell me who I was, Life tried to define me and label me. The most life defining experience for me was not loosing a mother at age 15 But it was at age 19;  Failing my first year at university and having to repeat the year. That for me was life changing, especially as I have never had to struggle to excel at anything...My name Stell...