Valley Seasons!!!

 March 2018…

It takes seconds literally for the course of your life to be altered,
I mean seconds..one phone call, letter, knock on the day you name it.
I remember going to the health centre for a check up..
And within minutes of being there,I was referred to the emergency department
My year was going smoothly, then boom.
It happened so fast,I barely had time to process what was going on,
It turned out,I was pregnant with a contraceptive coil in situ and I was bleeding profusely.

Pregnant? How..I cried..Why me lord,I honestly thought it was a joke,
God like seriously you must be teasing me,I couldn’t understand what was going on..
You read the statistics,99 percent effective why was I the 1percent
I cried tears o..my husband was amused and confused.
We were pregnant.

I had not even come to terms with being pregnant
When there were concerns of possible complications
For 3 weeks I went back and forth the hospital to be scanned and every doctor I met could not offer me any reassurance.
I was dumbfounded, my heart ached
Why me lord, why all the complications
Not again lord,I begged
Not again,
My mind was in a state of turmoil
I was angry, that God would let me hurt like this again.

I had eventually come to terms with the idea of a 3rd baby
I had even found a name..
I had convinced myself that though we were content with our 2 treasures
If God willed it then a 3rd baby would not be such a bad idea.
And as I waited for days to pass till my next appointment
My heart was torn between joy and dread.
I cried so much my eyes were sunken.
It was such an emotional rollercoaster

Nothing prepared me for what was to follow,
I had a blighted Ovum
and had to have an evacuation ASAP and I was given a day to prepare
I still remember that morning,
The pain, the emptiness and the hurt that followed could not be explained
My heart felt like it had broken to pieces,
I felt like God had forsaken me,
I sat in my car and wailed,I cried my heart out
How I managed to drive back home I don’t know,
I was so angry at God,
Why lord, why,
How could He let my heart break again,
How could He let me suffer again, after all I had been through
I was so angry..
The days and weeks that followed that day
Were hard, really hard.
Thank God for the people who God used to encourage and uplift me.

I never knew I could grieve like that for a pregnancy the way I did, especially a pregnancy I didn’t plan for or desire,
I could now understand the pain and hurt of the many women in my life
Who had lost babies, they never met but had seen and held in their minds eyes.
The pain you feel when everyone is thinking, why are you crying like this, move on, another one would come.
Ah..It hit me bad,
I remember going to church and all I wanted to do was fall on my knees and cry…
God, why?

The week after my discharge,I remember asking a lot of questions
to God and very clearly yet lovingly I heard him ask me,
Why I felt, I, was exempt from pain,
Why I felt, someone else deserved it and not me,
Why I felt that I couldn’t trust that He was in control
Why I felt because I had encountered loss before so, that made me untouchable
For it was by his mercies I was alive and not by anything I had done to deserve it.
He exposed my pride and my folly and I could see how misplaced my anger was.
And I began to ask for mercy,

How easy it is to turn away from God when we experience pain
How easy it is to turn our backs on God when the going gets tough and treacherous
How we expect mountain experiences and are so shocked when the valley season come..
we would rather it be all good and sweet with no bumps along the ride..
Like I know God’s word says; there would be many troubles but
In reality when it happens I still scream and cry like He never warned me.
I still struggle to trust Him and I forget that God is good in all circumstances.
How prideful we are, taking God’s mercies for granted.

You see the true test of our faith is not in our mountain season
But in our valley season, times when it seems like all hell is breaking loose,
Times when we can’t see God at work,
Times when we can’t make sense of what He is doing..
True faith is surrendering your pain, hurt and questions to him
And trusting that He is sovereign and He has a good plan for your life.
It is running to him and not away from Him..

And I know that regardless of what happens tomorrow and the day after
I would bounce back again because I have my father’s love
And because He is in control
His grace is sufficient for me and He won’t put more on me than I can bare.
I would be stronger and wiser and better
Because He would bring gain out of my pain.

Few days ago I shared this for the 1st time with a small group of women, as one of them talked about how she just had a miscarriage
I was able to say…girl I too
I know how you feel
I was broken too,
But now am mending
And you would be ok


To anyone reading who has experienced a miscarriage and is struggling.
Or anyone who is shattered by a loss,
I am praying that You would find the grace, strength and comfort that comes from God alone,
I pray that you would surrender your hurt and pain to God and find courage to bounce back.
I pray that God would wipe your tears and given you reasons to smile and laugh again
I pray that you would hold another woman and comfort her with the comfort you have received
I pray that in due season you would find purpose through your pain.

I pray for someone else going through a valley season
Who feels like God has forsaken them
Who has questions in their heart and is down, discouraged and heartbroken
I pray you run to God and not way from Him
I pray you feel Him close.
May You experience peace,Joy and strength in your valley season.
Be encouraged.
You would get through this.
Joy is on the way.

Lots of love.

©️Thiswomanoffaith


John 16:33NLT
 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 23:4 New International Version (NIV)

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,  they comfort me.

Job 2:9-10 NLT
“His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong.”
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