It was 6.45pm....my brain was doing a slow dance
It couldn’t quite figure out what to make for dinner
It had been an emotionally draining day..
As I stood by the counter top my thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell
How strange..I thought.
We were new in town and we had no friends or acquaintances, who
Could be visiting so late? it was definitely not a delivery.
I looked at my husband in wonder as the buzzer kept going.
It is Dr So and So...came his reply as he dropped the intercom,
Really, what does he want? Why is he here? Bidemi looked as perturbed as I was
You see earlier in the day..we had had a consultation with Dr So and So to discuss the findings of the genetic test bidemi and I had done.The hospital had insisted following the death of our daughter.
We sat through that rather heart breaking meeting as the Dr looked at the paper which held our fate and told us empathetically that we were both carries of a gene that made our chances of having healthy children very slim. Precisely it was a 1 in 4 chance.It meant that every time we fell pregnant, we could potentially give birth to a sick child who wouldn’t live to grow old.
This was too much,I remember thinking, we just buried a child and now our future as parents was so bleak.
I was jolted back to reality as the nice old Dr walked in, but seriously do Drs visit patients unannounced?What could he possibly have been thinking..He looked rather very disturbed and uncomfortable like he knew he shouldn’t have visited but couldn’t help it.
I still remember how a tear slipped from his eyes as he confirmed our daughter dead.Such a traumatic experience enough to shake anyone. He probably looked at us in his office earlier on and couldn’t help but feel sad for us, for our present and for our future.
He stressed as he sat down how sorry he felt that we went through what we went through and he emphasised again not to try for another child that adoption was our best option.As he didn’t want us to suffer again; bless his kind heart.
As we thanked him for stopping by, I couldn’t help but feel disheartened, discouraged and so afraid...the days and months ahead were so uncertain..I knew it was going to be a long hard journey of faith.I knew we were going to have to battle against fear, doubt and all that was glaring before us.I
remember weeks and months after that visit how the words of the Dr constantly replayed in my mind.I had to consciously speak God’s word over and over again until all my fears disappeared.Until I had a firm assurance that affliction was not going to arise again.
We honestly did not know how or when God was going to do it but He was all we had,He was all we knew, we were going to trust God and die, literally
I remember my husband holding me and telling me time and time again that we were going to be fine and on days when he had no words it was the reverse; me telling him we were going to be ok.We trusted God and on days we doubted he helped our unbelief.
This week my little boy started big school and as the whole family walked with him to school I could not help but reflect on the journey...
My heart was indeed full....full of gratitude…
And as I chatted with the other parents and experienced the joy of a milestone
I couldn’t help but wonder what our story would have been if we lived in fear as a result of the pain of past..
What if we chose not to trust God again because of our experience
What if our pain and hurt made us run away from God; from His word
What if we became bitter, angry and turned our backs on the church.
What if….what if…
I wish Dr so and so could see us today…
I am so grateful that God rewards faith..
I am so grateful that He is a God that never fails.
What seemed impossible is evident in our lives today
2 beautiful healthy babies.
Today,I look at the seemingly difficult situations in my life and I am reminded that
The God who brought me out from a Season of loss into a place of recovery
Would not fail me.
The same God who restored my joy and changed my story is not through with me yet
He would perform every word He has spoken concerning me.
What fear are you dealing with today?
What appears to be impossible?
Look for a scripture and stand on it until your fear gives way and faith rises in you.
God is not about to fail you.
Don’t turn your back on God
Don’t allow fear and doubt grow.
God would not fail you.
Be Encouraged.
Matt 19:26
Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible."
Psalm9:10
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Genesis 18:14
Is anything too difficult for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you--in about a year--and Sarah will have a so
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